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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/23262085">Physician, heal thy self.</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/ThatWALKERKid/pseuds/ThatWALKERKid'>ThatWALKERKid</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>The X-Files</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Angst and Drama, F/M, Hurt No Comfort, Scully don’t need saving, scully is done with Mulder’s bullshit, waiting for y’all to come for me</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-03-22</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-03-22</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-01 06:27:01</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Not Rated</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>1,105</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/23262085</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/ThatWALKERKid/pseuds/ThatWALKERKid</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Scully is done with Mulder’s hero complex.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Fox Mulder/Dana Scully</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>11</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>Physician, heal thy self.</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>Not sure what to make of this thing.. but hope y’all enjoy none the less. </p>
<p>Let me know what you think. </p>
<p>All the vibes</p>
<p>Mel xx (@theQueerwriter)</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <hr/>
<p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">It had been a mark in her mind for a very long while now. It ebbed and flowed, battered by her other thoughts, beaten into submission, into hiding in the darkest depths of her subconscious; but it was there. </span>
</p>
<p class="p2"> </p>
<p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">It hadn’t been intentional on her part for it to lay buried and festering and altogether lacing her with a bitterness she could not place but it had done just that; tainted her view of the world, her worth and what she deserved. It was like an infection, attacking the cells of her body, her very foundations of being, and like an infection, it had begun to make its way to the surface. </span>
</p>
<p class="p2"> </p>
<p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">The subtleties of it had thrown her at first, a sharp tone to her voice, a hard look in his direction but as the wound erupted through her skin she knew there was only one course of action, of treatment; to excise it completely, freeing her body of it allowing it to begin to heal. </span>
</p>
<p class="p2"> </p>
<p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">All Scully wanted was to heal. </span>
</p>
<p class="p2"> </p>
<p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">She had tried to be methodical, logical and pragmatic in the face of his bewildering lack of care to due course and her wants and needs but as he stood before her tail between his legs, cap in hand, all hell broke lose inside her. He had gone and done the one thing she’d asked him not to do, just like always. He thought he could fix everything, save the day; throw on his cape and play the hero. </span>
</p>
<p class="p2"> </p>
<p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">It should have been something she was used to by now, after all these years, a trick he’d done many times, but It still hit Scully full force; knocking the wind from her lungs. They were older now, seasoned and broken in, not the young, naive, hopeful agents they had once been. Hell Scully wasn’t even an agent at all anymore and yet somehow she felt herself being pulled back into the underworld of the bureau, into the dark nooks and crannies she’d given up searching for light in. </span>
</p>
<p class="p2"> </p>
<p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">But that was Mulder’s influence on her, that magnetic pull he seemed to wield over her and for the longest time she had let him pull her this way and that, without question, without hesitation because she loved him. She had always loved him; from the moment they’d met, and even now, when she hated him. But it was no longer enough; love was not going to save them now, not when Mulder seemed hell bent on self destruction and feeding his own selfish needs. </span>
</p>
<p class="p2"> </p>
<p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">She had never asked for much; not nearly enough if she was honest. She took the bare minimum, and made that okay. She’d framed it and hung it on her walls, letting it be known that she would allow Mulder anything; even to her detriment. She had given him parts of her that she couldn’t hope to replace and wondered if she’d asked, would he do the same. His go to was always grand gestures and never moments in the quiet. It was big or nothing and Scully had grown weary of the pattern, of the constant need for her to validate his position in the world by letting him “save the day.”</span>
</p>
<p class="p2"> </p>
<p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">He’d come into her home, her last place of sanctuary from him and demanded a penance from her in exchange for her forgiveness of him and it had sent her over the edge.. </span>
</p>
<p class="p2"> </p>
<p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“That’s the difference between you and me, Mulder. Your hero complex prohibits you from actually seeing that you’re doing harm in the guise of good. At least if I make a mistake I own that decision, I wear the consequences without needing someone else to blame. You don your cape and leap tall buildings unaware of the destruction you leave in your wake, everywhere you land.”</span>
</p>
<p class="p2"> </p>
<p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Mulder gritted his teeth and kneaded the knot in his neck with a heavy hand; Scully’s words stabbing at him like a serial killer in the dark. His nostrils flared as a heavy breathe rattled through them, his exhale an attempt at control; failing miserably.</span>
</p>
<p class="p2"> </p>
<p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“What do you want me to say Scully? That I’m sorry for saving your life?”</span>
</p>
<p class="p2"> </p>
<p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">She narrowed her eyes at his supposition, that his deed was the only thing he could have done and that without him she’d be defenceless and dead.</span>
</p>
<p class="p2"> </p>
<p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“You really believe that you’re making up for your past by throwing yourself into the middle of everything, by acting like you’re the only thing that can fix the world, the only one who can save me?”</span>
</p>
<p class="p2"> </p>
<p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">A laugh bubbles up through Scully’s chest as the words fell from her lips. Of all the years she’d known him, Mulder had some wild self theories but this one took the cake. She stepped up to him, her body barely a breath from his own, her voice low but thick with bravado.</span>
</p>
<p class="p2"> </p>
<p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“Well guess what Mulder, I don’t need saving and I won’t be a part of your need for justification.”</span>
</p>
<p class="p2"> </p>
<p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">She’d stared into his eyes then, affirming herself to him that she was done for good this time and that he wouldn’t be able to reel her back in. She watched as the tide shifted within him, a sense of loss crossing his irises. She stepped away from him and over to her front door opening it; her continued silence hopefully an indicator for him to leave. </span>
</p>
<p class="p2"> </p>
<p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">He turned to her at the door but she wouldn’t let him do this to her, not again. </span>
</p>
<p class="p2"> </p>
<p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“No Mulder. Leave. Now.”</span>
</p>
<p class="p2"> </p>
<p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">As he stepped across the threshold she shoved the door shut behind him, hands braces against its wood, eye peering out the peep hole at his form. He stood there for a few moments, before turning to leave and disappearing from her view. </span>
</p>
<p class="p2"> </p>
<p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">She pushed herself off the door and blew a heavy breath into her cheeks. She was no damsel in distress, a doctor and former FBI agent that had been through more than anyone could have in a life time, she could take care of herself. </span>
</p>
<p class="p2"> </p>
<p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">A pang of hurt echoed in her chest but she knew it would be temporary; a necessary infliction after excising the infection from her body. She now lay bare, ready for her skin to repair itself, for her muscles to strengthen... for her mind to accept that while she loved him, more than life itself, it was life she needed from him, something he couldn’t or wouldn’t give her without terms and conditions; without a need for something in return.</span>
</p>
<p class="p2"> </p>
<p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">Dana Scully was a medical doctor, she would heal herself. No Mulder prescription required. </span>
</p>
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